Writen on 15th March:

I could say that days have been passing by but you all know about it. The truth is that I've been managing emotions for a while till I headed off to my country for another 5days of holidays, this time, more prepared in my mind for it and emotional seeking too much for reach my destination. This time it was imperative to go. I really wanted to stay with my family and recharge my energies as my grandma turned into an angel few days before. Since that day I really felt down and I tried to heal myself being quiet... within, I must confess, I was crying. Going to my country (a long journey of at least 12h and 24h awake) made me feel better, as well as having good friends who supported me on my pain.
These days in my country were absolutely amazing. I really felt that I slept, I huged from my heart my beloved ones without fears, I ran after my pets and I visited my sweet grandpa. Tought it was just 5 days in my country I felt like it were 15. The time seemed longer than the previous time in January and I felt good to be/see/hug/love my family and friends. I don't have to say how much good it was, I guess you can feel by my words.
It was also very special because I had some answers that I was seeking for. Without expecting anything, for real, I received beautiful pearls of wisdom through a card reading.
Despite all I'm facing since I moved to Doha and despite all dificulties I still have and face in my daily life and in my personal life, with all the ups and downs, I feel recharged!
Hopefully my energy is not going to fade away once I land in Doha and this beautiful energy of love will last! For now, I just want to think about how much love I have inside myself and how much of this love I don't express or allow myself to feel.

In a world of chaos I discovered I still can feel my heart.

I allowed myself to have a break from all the chaotic life I've been through. I met my friends and we went to another country nearby where we live. What I discovered was more than I expected, it was more than just sightseeing. It was like breathing, enjoying simple details of life. The most beautiful experience was being in a beautiful and absolutely peaceful mosque and listening the call for prayer and seeing with my heart people praying all together like real brothers. It was absolutely beautiful and I felt so in peace like I don't feel for some time. It touched my heart and I got emotional a couple of times, with tears in my eyes. I felt God there. I felt Love.

The proof that God is everywhere.

I have been working a lot and time has been less to write altought I feel an enormous will to do it.

Lately I've been going through a lot of stressing moments, situations and problems to solve. I allowed myself to have a break of 2 days off outside the country I live where I'll meet very dear friends and hopefully, alone and with them I'll come out fresh and new, stronger than ever.

Heading off to the airport with this one within my heart, filling my cells and my soul:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SP8Z9u1__l0

Too much happening in my life and too many things to process lately...

Another day I was talking with a friend and we just realized that some people when reaching a good position in their jobs (in their country or abroad) completely forget from where they came from and they are consumed by the power. For me it's very sad seeing this happening and unfortunately I've seen a bit of it!

Thanks God, I don't forget from where I came from, who I am, my values... and I hope to be ALWAYS like that. Amen.

I just accepted some days ago

That I will LOVE you for the rest of my LIFE and it's ok.

I will LOVE you every minute of my existence because you are part of my SOUL and it's ok.

Even if we are not meant to meet this life anymore, I just want to say that I will wait for you my next life or another next lives to come. I wait for you, for us, to be ready and one.
You are PART of me and I love you unconditionally. And it's ok.
I surrender. I can't do anything to make you close to me. You are already close to me in my heart and soul. Forever. It was written by the stars and all the Angels. And it's ok if we can't be together this lifetime. It has to be ok. I love you deeply. And it's ok.

I have been diving into dark and reflexive moments lately.

I have been thinking and struggling with my unknown sadness for some long but I realized that these moments are priceless and precious as they awake us to something!

I have been fine, I just have been very honest with myself to recognize that something is wrong. I have been praying, holding to my faith and being in silence. Silence is a very powerful tool to heal our wounds and I'm taking it fully so I can also heal myself.

It's definitely time to heal.

Ideas and subjects to post are always flowing in my mind but sometimes I just don't have time to write everything and then I tend to forget!

Lately I've been thinking what makes you to get along with some people who turn into your friends and what's the recipe to get a good relationship with someone.

Of course there's no recipes at all, you just try everyday to be better or do better in the relationship and that's the only way you can discover what works for you or not.

During all my teen period I always said that it doesn't matter if you agree 100% with the person about one subject but as long as you two have the same life style then things can work. So, I have been saying this since I was teenager and I still say the same. Actually I can't expect people to think like me and have the same opinion but I just realized, now even more, that what makes you closer to a person is your values.

The most interesting part is that you can find the same values you have in another cultures or nationalities sometimes without realizing it. The Universe is extremelly generous with you when you are blessed with such good friends from different parts of the world and when you look deep you can see how much you have in common!

Going through ups and downs like a carousel!

Lately I have been silent for so many reasons. Besides trying to manage a very busy life when I sleep just God knows how many (few) hours, work like crazy and professionally I'm also trying to deal and manage my private life. Between my homeland and where I live, between a confused heart and a confused mind, between worries here and there. I'm sure this is just one phase which will pass soon but there is some obstacules that I have to deal with. I have to open my heart in order to listen to my inner voice and to what it's saying. Everything will be perfect, I just need to organize my ideas and to listen to myself, and for that, I need silence :)

It was another ordinary day of flying but this time full of beautiful white snow outside

The snow made my day and made me feel like a child enjoying a sweet.

I was working a lot and I barerly notice details when I stopped and in front of me was a lady wearing a beautiful necklace with a Nefertiti. I thought "How come I didn't notice it before?"

No, I think I couldn't see it before till I really have to sit and in front of me was that lady. I felt my heart saying that Egypt is calling for me and how much I miss it.

The funny was, she could be seated in one of the 200 somethings seats available and I could be seated somewhere but somehow we were seated in front of each other and she was wearing something very special for me... it was like saying "hi, here is Egypt again!".

Life is absolutely curious :)

4 full days have passed like a tornado in my country and I'm already in Doha.

Once I land in my city I started to feel akward, I really don't know if it's normal after some months apart from our countries or not but I felt strange. 

I had a fantastic reception at the airport with my friends and family and some tears rolled through my face. These 4 days were full of people, lack of sleep so I could enjoy every minute with each of them. I felt tired all the time because a suddenly allergy appeared and I confess I didn't stop a minute but I do not regret. I enjoyed every minute. 

And I got the chance to assimilate all my time spent around the world while in my country. I stopped for a bit and I realized how much I changed. Still, I do not know how MUCH I am changed... maybe I'll always find it out along the way...

And I think that I'm feeling down for some time now. Maybe it's another desert in front of me to go through!

Rome, 10th January 2012

Everytime I thought about coming to my country my heart jumped of hapiness and I could feel my anxiety for being with my beloved ones. I said to a friend that I would arrive in Europe and cry but the fact is that I was so tired of being awake almost 24h that I couldn't drop one single tear. While listening to my music I remembered all the obstacules I went through to arrive here, at this point of my life. I have to be so much proud of myself. I can see how much I grew up. I went through all these challenges and I am proud of myself.
I feel more mature, more peaceful, more sociable and at the same time more reserved.
It is funny how I define myself sometimes, like opposites! but the truth is that we are made of opposites which complete yourselves.
Today, I feel myself asking more questions, being truely independent, talking and having fun with unknown people on the street and trusting God, I can talk and give a bit of myself without giving too much. I can be true.
While I write these lines at Rome International Airport I think about my life... and I can't say anything besides I'm happy today for coming home to embrace love!
There is a place where we always found ourselves: inside our hearts, in communion  with our roots/family and in the arms of your soul mate.
Time to go. Let's see if I cry in Lisbon...

(Actually I cried while in Rome Airport...)

Deus segundo Spinoza

Beautiful article writen in portuguese that I decided to share with all of you.
I suggest you to use an online tranlator in order to get an idea about what it says because it really worth it!

The title is "God by Spinoza".

Deus segundo Spinoza

“Pára de ficar rezando e batendo o peito! O que eu quero que faças é que saias pelo mundo e desfrutes de tua vida. Eu quero que gozes, cantes, te divirtas e que desfrutes de tudo o que Eu fiz para ti.
Pára de ir a esses templos lúgubres, obscuros e frios que tu mesmo construíste e que acreditas ser a minha casa.
Minha casa está nas montanhas, nos bosques, nos rios, nos lagos, nas praias. Aí é onde Eu vivo e aí expresso meu amor por ti.
Pára de me culpar da tua vida miserável: Eu nunca te disse que há algo mau em ti ou que eras um pecador, ou que tua sexualidade fosse algo mau.
O sexo é um presente que Eu te dei e com o qual podes expressar teu amor, teu êxtase, tua alegria. Assim, não me culpes por tudo o que te fizeram crer.
Pára de ficar lendo supostas escrituras sagradas que nada têm a ver comigo. Se não podes me ler num amanhecer, numa paisagem, no olhar de teus amigos, nos olhos de teu filhinho... Não me encontrarás em nenhum livro!
Confia em mim e deixa de me pedir. Tu vais me dizer como fazer meu trabalho?
Pára de ter tanto medo de mim. Eu não te julgo, nem te critico, nem me irrito, nem te incomodo, nem te castigo. Eu sou puro amor.
Pára de me pedir perdão. Não há nada a perdoar. Se Eu te fiz... Eu te enchi de paixões, de limitações, de prazeres, de sentimentos, de necessidades, de incoerências, de livre-arbítrio. Como posso te culpar se respondes a algo que eu pus em ti? Como posso te castigar por seres como és, se Eu sou quem te fez? Crês que eu poderia criar um lugar para queimar a todos meus filhos que não se comportem bem, pelo resto da eternidade? Que tipo de Deus pode fazer isso?
Esquece qualquer tipo de mandamento, qualquer tipo de lei; essas são artimanhas para te manipular, para te controlar, que só geram culpa em ti. Respeita teu próximo e não faças o que não queiras para ti. A única coisa que te peço é que prestes atenção a tua vida, que teu estado de alerta seja teu guia.
Esta vida não é uma prova, nem um degrau, nem um passo no caminho, nem um ensaio, nem um prelúdio para o paraíso. Esta vida é o único que há aqui e agora, e o único que precisas.
Eu te fiz absolutamente livre. Não há prêmios nem castigos. Não há pecados nem virtudes. Ninguém leva um placar. Ninguém leva um registro.
Tu és absolutamente livre para fazer da tua vida um céu ou um inferno.
Não te poderia dizer se há algo depois desta vida, mas posso te dar um conselho. Vive como se não o houvesse. Como se esta fosse tua única oportunidade de aproveitar, de amar, de existir. Assim, se não há nada, terás aproveitado da oportunidade que te dei.
E se houver, tem certeza que Eu não vou te perguntar se foste comportado ou não. Eu vou te perguntar se tu gostaste, se te divertiste... Do que mais gostaste? O que aprendeste?
Pára de crer em mim - crer é supor, adivinhar, imaginar. Eu não quero que acredites em mim. Quero que me sintas em ti. Quero que me sintas em ti quando beijas tua amada, quando agasalhas tua filhinha, quando acaricias teu cachorro, quando tomas banho no mar.
Pára de louvar-me! Que tipo de Deus ególatra tu acreditas que Eu seja?
Me aborrece que me louvem. Me cansa que agradeçam. Tu te sentes grato? Demonstra-o cuidando de ti, de tua saúde, de tuas relações, do mundo. Te sentes olhado, surpreendido?... Expressa tua alegria! Esse é o jeito de me louvar.

Pára de complicar as coisas e de repetir como papagaio o que te ensinaram sobre mim. A única certeza é que tu estás aqui, que estás vivo, e que este mundo está cheio de maravilhas. Para que precisas de mais milagres? Para que tantas explicações?

Não me procures fora! Não me acharás. Procura-me dentro... aí é que estou, batendo em ti.

Baruch Spinoza.

Packing and heading off to my country - soon, very soon!!

Can't wait to hug my family and my real friends. Doha has been a great lesson so far, I think I still didn't realize how MUCH I'm changed... I guess I'll see it when I land in my homeland.

I can't wait to see my beloved ones, hug them, kiss them and share my love with them!
At the same time what I'm going to face is completely unknown as many friends I used to have are silence now and I guess I'll face definitely how much important I'm to them when I land. It is ok. The Universe will always help me.

Anxious to go home! :)

What I just resumed today...

All my friends, despite their job position are humble. They know their roots, their values and they stand still to what they are. Of course, we all in our lives experienced to deviate once from our hearts and did what we feel to be stupid things that brought us harm afterwards but I also realized that sometimes we need to fall apart to come back wiser and put the pieces together again. Sometimes we need to break to re-born, fully connected with ourselves.

I absolutely love my friends, the old and the new ones that the Universe brought into my life!

Yes, I love my friends, those who can stay in 5 * hotel and still feel the same and being even more human without being fascinated by outside appearances.

I hold on to my values and to who I am.

Agenda for 2012:

Don't look back. Yesterday is no longer today. Today is the only moment that matters.

Being love, breathing love - no regrets, just being happy!

Conecting with my inner voice, my heart and listening carefully to all the signals from above (so many dear Universe, so many! Thank YOU for ALL the guidance!!)

Cultivating more love, patience, tolerance with myself and others.

Living from the heart, without fears, without egos. 

Dissolving all negative thoughts and energies into LOVE - the most powerful energy of LIFE!

Chasing for my dreams, without fears! Now it's the time. If not now, when?!

Praying with the heart and hoping the BEST that is always yet to come!

PROSPERITY, LOVE, PROTECTION FOR ALL OF YOU IN 2012!!