The reason why I was feeling dead inside is because I allowed my old person to say hello again.
Did I mention that I was leaving my old skin and feeling new? Yap, I've said that! But, for some reason, the old person was trying to come back to control everything again..... yes, ok, nice try!

Yesterday I realized that - finally! I analized all things which are happening with me (inside myself). I'm not feeling happy at all and the way I recognized that, was completely scary, like if it was "normal" to be unhappy!!!!???? So, after 1hour of therapy I decided to do something for me... again! I'm always feeling that I have to remember myself why I am here, why I am doing this, etc, etc, etc. I need to remember myself that I'm a warrior, I'm strong enough to deal with my fears, my ghosts and with my darkest side. Just GOD knows how difficult it is to remember myself over and over again sometimes... Just GOD knows how difficult it has been to cry when I feel desperately I have to clean my soul from negative energy. Lately, I just can't, my tears seem to be made of jelly and they are stuck in my eyes so, no washing soul for now.

I still believe that I am the Queen of my life.
I still believe that I can do everything that I want when everybody around is saying "You can't".
I still believe that I can do everything but I need to believe it NOW, TODAY! And I'm not...(today)!

So, after 1 hour of talking I realized that I'm not doing what I deeply deeply want, I'm taking decisions that I'm supposed to want but if I look deep within I can see that I really don't want that and everything has a price. The price of doing part of what I don't want/doesn't make me happy is loosing myself, my balance, my mental health and this is not good...
So, today, I just want to say: This is not working for ME. There's life outside with lot of blessings waiting for me and, for some reason, or without reason, I'm not seeing that because I'm wasting my energy thinking about things that really doesn't matter at all.

Being happy isn't always easy (what a stupid quote that makes completely sense...!!!). It REALLY takes COURAGE to be happy... and probably you will be seen as crazy/completely insane person by others but it doesn't matter*. As long as you can be yourself (totally) nothing matters*. If you really want something from your heart doesn't matter how long it takes your path, doesn't matter if it isn't easy... you will just keep walking to reach your dream.
And this is the point where I am now.

That's enough for me. Life is freedom and I'm not being free with myself.
The time of change begins now.
More than ever. More than ever.
Because this is the only way to be happy.

* by doesn't matter I don't mean you have or are going to hurt someone. You just need to follow your heart and sometimes people can't see that by not accepting you as you are... (and I know how it feels like...)