Feeling blue...

Today I just woke up feeling completely blue... missing lot of things in my life, missing my family, my friends, my country and missing one person in particular, I must admit. After a busy day where I had to face bureaucracy in a room full of men staring at me and be assertive with a taxi driver in the middle of this desert/country... yeah, I guess I can feel blue today actually. I end up crying and calling to one of my friends in my country just to hear her voice and cry a bit and say "this is difficult. Today it has been just difficult to deal with...". And it is. Despite feeling happy for my achievements I'm human and today I'm feeling blue.

My heart and my soul are far from my body, in somewhere's place and I can't control it. I don't want to control anything. I'm just going with the flow and taking what it needs to be taken from it: happiness and sadness.

Where I'm facing is just the beggining... diferent culture, diferent ways of thinking, thousands of rules where I still find myself free within (just God knows how!)... and days go by and I get used to do shopping with a woman completely covered in black next to me and I'm trying to get used to those disturbing (men) eyes staring at me as if I'm an alien (maybe I am and I don't know despite being well covered). 

As I said: just the beggining. Where a man can bump into your trolley in the supermarket and look at you as you were guilty for that. Where there is no "excuse me" if someone wants to pass your way. Where a man opens the door for HIM and not for you. In those things I feel the diference. 

Maybe it's my education, my family background, my story, my life in general. I was always very well treated by my friends and my family, for sure and I'm very blessed for that. I'm not complaining, no one is treating me bad here.... above ALL I respect myself, my dignity and my identity but sometimes in small things you find diferences. BUT GOD gives you also very good moments, where a man respects you as you are, where you don't feel like a completely alien, where an assertive way of speaking puts a man in his way. 

A woman is not a fool. Believe me, most of the time she is taking advantage of this to make the man the fool.