You make your destiny. 

It is not the destiny who makes you.

Feeling blue - Part II

I miss my man's skin even when he doesn't want to know my name.

Miss his skin/perfume with all my guts, missing his gentle way of caring me under the (his) storm, missing his eyes when he is making fun of something, missing seeing him happy, missing his hands... and can't change it. Just missing too much!

 Missing my cats, their funny plays, their funny situations and their INCONDITIONAL love!

 Missing Paris as I never missed before.

 I miss the rain and feeling blessed for it.

Missing my country and already missing the GOOD moments about to come...

 Missing those afternoons of sleeping.

 Missing the blue sky... How I miss the blue sky where I could see the clouds and breathe so deeply....

I miss my readings (thanks GOD my bag arrived here and I'm going to pick it tomorrow, yes yes yes! More books to fill my room even if I don't have time to read all of them. They make me company and comfort my heart).

Feeling blue...

Today I just woke up feeling completely blue... missing lot of things in my life, missing my family, my friends, my country and missing one person in particular, I must admit. After a busy day where I had to face bureaucracy in a room full of men staring at me and be assertive with a taxi driver in the middle of this desert/country... yeah, I guess I can feel blue today actually. I end up crying and calling to one of my friends in my country just to hear her voice and cry a bit and say "this is difficult. Today it has been just difficult to deal with...". And it is. Despite feeling happy for my achievements I'm human and today I'm feeling blue.

My heart and my soul are far from my body, in somewhere's place and I can't control it. I don't want to control anything. I'm just going with the flow and taking what it needs to be taken from it: happiness and sadness.

Where I'm facing is just the beggining... diferent culture, diferent ways of thinking, thousands of rules where I still find myself free within (just God knows how!)... and days go by and I get used to do shopping with a woman completely covered in black next to me and I'm trying to get used to those disturbing (men) eyes staring at me as if I'm an alien (maybe I am and I don't know despite being well covered). 

As I said: just the beggining. Where a man can bump into your trolley in the supermarket and look at you as you were guilty for that. Where there is no "excuse me" if someone wants to pass your way. Where a man opens the door for HIM and not for you. In those things I feel the diference. 

Maybe it's my education, my family background, my story, my life in general. I was always very well treated by my friends and my family, for sure and I'm very blessed for that. I'm not complaining, no one is treating me bad here.... above ALL I respect myself, my dignity and my identity but sometimes in small things you find diferences. BUT GOD gives you also very good moments, where a man respects you as you are, where you don't feel like a completely alien, where an assertive way of speaking puts a man in his way. 

A woman is not a fool. Believe me, most of the time she is taking advantage of this to make the man the fool.

All said...

Just be in love with life... everyday.

In moments of sadness I call for an ice cream and good food...

Other day I was saying to a very special friend of mine that food feeds your body while kissing may fill/feed your soul. I don't know why I just remembered this right now but I'm eating ice cream! It's not the best ice cream but still is ice cream and has chocolate. It will helps me to study aircrafts!

Sharing pearls of wisdom with you all...

http://cynthiaoccelli.com/2011/05/stop-waiting-for-life-to-change.html

It begins in the heart, soul and mind, then manifests through small steps taken daily.

Beautiful. Hope it fill your hearts!

What I realized about the country I'm living you:

- There is sand everywhere. A very very light and thin  (if I can call it like that) sand that you always find inside your apartment just God knows how. I guess the sand is transported by the wind and reach our windows with such a facility I couldn't imagine. Result: a tiny layer of sand everywhere... can't stand barefoot feeling that on my feet.

- We are humans (I know this one... don't be scared) all over the world and you may find a person that becomes your very close friend in the new country you are in even when he/she comes from another point of the globe.

You can share laughters, smiles, feelings and words. You may have your cultural differences but if you are genuine, pure and accept each other there is no problems at all.

- Trust. In a new country we all need to be caution about everyone. You may find a good person and a bad person like everywhere in the world but sometimes when we feel vulnerable due our new situation we tend to trust everybody and actually we can't trust everybody when the others are concerned about making us bad. No worries. Just be calm, stay inside your heart and give them good energies from the heart.

- You will miss your family (pets included), friends and beloved one more than you can EVER imagine and you will end up asking you sometimes "What am I doing here?". It's normal.

- I'm feeling like creating more than EVER either. I need to create ART everywhere, everytime... I'm a dancing soul and nothing can modify it! 

What I realize today:

It doesn't matter where you are, what is important is within your heart.

I'm enjoying my new friends here in my new place altough I'm also missing my beloved ones.

Let's keep the Faith!

Reading a post from another blog made me smile about what I feel inside about LOVE.

You love someone when you accept that person as he/she is without "but's" or "if's". 

You still stay next to that person even when he/she is not going good within, dealing with his/her ghosts, even when he/she is in a very bad mood all the time because you still KNOW how that person is inside its heart.

It's beautiful.

To ALL my friends and beloved ones.

Starting a new phase in our lives is never easy but an opportunity to grow... where going to the grocery can be funny and exhausting! 

Where is the yoghurt? Liquid, liquid... for drinking!

Once again I have been missing my blog and my writings but lot of things to do have filled my last days.
After headed off to another country in a suddenly visit of 2 days I was back in my country again to pack my life in a suitcase... And I'm still packing! 1 suitcase 20kg, 1 hand luggage 7kg, another suitcase 32kg each in a total of 50kg. What should I carry with me? Which books should I carry for now? Which piece of me should I take to make my bedroom more mine? I would like to take my Budha and tons of photos... although the most important we always carry inside our hearts and I'm carrying my friends and family (pets included of course!).
Today I got very emotional indeed because my sister sent me a gift filled with love, my friends gave me special hugs, gifts, strength and beautiful words. I'm very blessed. Thank you Universe for the opportunity I'm having to grow up and develop myself, thank you for all the love I'm receiving.

I ask you for your protection, your Love and your guidance to choose what is best for me. I believe You will help me :)

After 4 intense days completely off of the world where 2 were just for travelling I came back to my homeland to head off to a new adventure... but so far, the most aventurous was living by your side right under the storm. 

It was easy? Not at all. But it worth every second I could breathe your beautiful skin, it worth every second I could sleep by your side, it worth every second we spend touching our feets and legs, it worth everything. Really. And every time you think I didn't do anything, just remember how many hours I spend travelling just to have 2 days with you - under the storm you are within.

Every second with you worth it and I'm already missing you deeply... wishing your perfume and your hand to hold strongly. I truely miss you because I know you and you are/were inside the storm all the time and didn't allow me to catch your essence.

Let's just enjoy the ride... and love all around from the inside out!

Crying can be an exhausting though pure exercise to release the tension. So, I cried all my fears willing to change what needs to be changed. I cried the fears, so many fears I didn't know I had actually, and I'm finally feeling within where I should go. After the storm the rainbow. Always and forever. Now, I'm calm and I know where I'm going... to live happily with my open heart and open mind where I'm going to relax my cells from all the tensions in order to receive what is here: God's gifts and Love. My destiny is here and I'm going for it.

Lovely!! A good one to cheer us up and give us STRENGTH. 

To fill our hearts and souls.

Walking on the beach seems a pretty good program for an afternoon of thinking.

Feel the sand on my feet and tasting the temperature of the sea was surprisingly good today while I was listening to some music feeding my soul. After lying down on the sand and rest for a while I allowed the sea to wash my feet and get part of my clothing blessed by it. After that I headed off to spread some hand in a big commercial surface.... ehehehe!

I'm more relaxed now and I realized I love the beach to walk and be with Nature, Universe and myself and not necessarily to be with my bikini.

Oh, I truely love the beach, I love the sea!